::Tuesday, September 07, 2004::
:: Choose your partner properly and slowly... ::
I remembered, once, that I was down with a terrible depression. To me, I was totally lost. My life was totally crush, and it seems that the road is tough and rugged. In life despair, I had nothing to cling on. I had nothing to depend on. My life is that relationship. Without it, my life will be split apart as the chinese proverbs imply, "Wu Ma Fen Shi".
I went to the life church sanctuary during the night. I knelt before the pulpit, and prayed with much tears. So much tears that it wets my whole right hand. The tears are not crocodile brand, or cow brand, but from a true man's heart. "Man must not cry, otherwise not man", my uncle believes in this. But let me tell you through experience, when man faces ultimate depression or lost, he will surely cry. Why? Because the man's heart has been broken. Everything is lost, everything to him was nothing but just Hydrogen gas that fades away within the blink of an eye. I was this man. I experienced the ultimate depression and lost. And dear brothers and sisters in Christ, if any one of you are facing such deep depression, let me know. Please.... I will pray for you with fasting... I cant bear to see my brethrens in such a state.
You may have other hopes and aims. If you lost something or someone, you will feel hurt. It's normal... :D But, if you lost something or someone that means your life, it's not normal. Even the animals will cry also...
I cant help but cry before this computer screen. My mind, now, flashes back all the memories. :'( I prayed in life church while on my knees, "Lord, here am I, kneeing before thee humbly and reverence unto thee.. " And I would just shout "Lord, HELP ME!!". I felt so weak. I felt so low. I felt as if I had nothing. But I felt someone near me. Someone who knelt with me before God pleading.. Tears flow down from my eyes, and cried like nobody's business.
Army? Will I cry? I have been through the 3 days intensive training. Every minute is a tough training, running, push ups in countless repetition, and almost died of Asthma, yet I smiled and enjoyed it. I did not have much rest that time, as the training was truly very tough. I know how's army life.
I realized in life, we are so weak. In the life church, I felt the pressence of this very special person. Cant touch, but can feel and sense Him. And I can see that He's also crying with me, pleading before God. And God looked at Him, and pardoned me. Dear brethrens, I don't like to live a messy and confusing life. Computers, high-technology, whatever-it-may-be is no longer my taste. Because it just brings me more sorrow and pain...
I may be young. I admit it. I like to be young, and not old (please hor.. :D). And people just do not want to listen because of my age. Just want to share my experience with you. Choose your partner properly and slowly. "But you have a gf already" as some would tell me. Do not choose one hastily. Because if you are like me, very chi qing type, care more for the girlfriend rather own life, and would rather give up everything just for her, you may be the right guy, but don fall into traps of depression.
I believe it should not be a problem in sharing my experience here ba.. :) hehe.. Ernest also does share.. :) So, those who are coupled (you know who I'm referring to), treasure your partner. Just like Boaz, a very gentlemen, and Ruth, a very submissive spirit. They should be our role model in a relationship. Those who are singles, do not rush and find the right one. Pray about it. I nearly lost my life because of broken relationship. At the meantime, I will leave this entry with you. Thanks and God bless! :D
>>shared by+my life - God = broken pencil+
on 20:44.
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